Do you ever question your actions? Not only your present, but your past? Don’t mistake this with regret. I don’t regret what I’ve done, but in hindsight, I have been analyzing an ordeal which I went through over the summer, and I wonder if everything played out how it was “supposed” to? Because really, we don’t know. You can always throw it off on fate, and say that everything is “meant” to happen, but not everyone believes that. I don’t even know if I believe that anymore. I just don’t know what to think. I guess when it boils down to it, I feel torn up in my heart, because I feel like I lost a couple of friends. I don’t know why it played out how it did, and sometimes I cry just thinking back on it. You know, we don’t know what the right path for our life is. You know I’ve questioned a lot lately. I’ve questioned my religion, facts about Christianity, evolution vs. creationism. I don’t necessarily mean I’ve been doubting it, but it’s human nature to question. There is a particular even in my life that makes me a believer in Christianity, and I will share:

I was at this conference, probably in 1999 or 2000, it was a youth conference. and all my friends were up on stage playing in the band at this thing, there were 400 to 500 people there – and I felt like I was worthless and nothing “special” because I wasn’t up there too, and they were all up there playing. Well I remember a guy preached, named J.D. Glass, and I remember he had an alter call. Well I didn’t go, but I was about three or four rows from the front. Well he was praying for people at the front of the church, and then all of a sudden, he looked at me, and singled me out, and then came over to me, and I’ll never forget what he said. He said “Kelsey you are special, don’t forget that. God has a plan for you, he’s calling you to Him, don’t forget that, you are special, you are special” and he didn’t even know me, I wasn’t up there to get prayed for or anything, he just picked me out of the crowd.

Since that day I’ve always remembered there is a God. That to me has always been a very inspiring story, and almost every time I have doubt in my life, I think of that, and it’s reassured. You know, Philosophy will tell us things like that are coincidence, or happenstance, but give me a break. If Philosophy is all about logical thinking, then you would assume the individuals involved in it would be logical enough to know that the odds of that are extremely slim.

My Physical Science teacher said something aloud in class the other night that makes more sense than any other explanation I’ve ever heard about God. He raised his hand at eye level, and claimed, “God is up here, and we are down here,” and he lowered his other hand down to his waist. Then he said, “When we start trying to bring God down to our level, and try to understand it, is when we start having issues, with doubt, or whatever it may be,” That’s a really simple statement, but it’s so true if you think about it. Do I have hard evidence that there is a God? No I don’t; I can’t tell you for a fact that there is a Heaven or there is a Hell. Death could be nothing more than endless oblivion, but you know what, that’s where faith comes in. People claim all sorts of things about the Bible, how it’s inaccurate, etc… Well that may be, that’s another thing I just don’t know, but I believe this: It’s God breath. I believe, a God powerful enough to create the universe (however he may have done it, the ‘Big Bang’, Creation, etc…) is powerful enough to keep facts straight in a book, written by entities that He originally created.